Calm Your Baby Tits by Jessie Thompson

Author:Jessie Thompson
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: BookBaby
Published: 2019-08-14T13:59:56+00:00

THE DITZY MOM

There are so many different kinds of moms in this world. Whenever online quizzes or articles try to classify all the moms into three or four different categories, I laugh. It’s not fair to assume that you can be only four different types of a mom. There are so many variables in how a woman parents her kids.

With all that being said, I am about to tell you that I have narrowed it down to my least favorite kind of mom to encounter. You may know her as well. Hell, you may even be her. If that’s the case, I am sorry that you are my least favorite type of mom. It’s not you. It’s me, and the way that I believe parenting should be done. We all have our own belief system, right?

Alright, now that we are in the trust tree, my least favorite kind of mom is the ditzy mom.

You may not know exactly what I am talking about, and that’s okay. The ditzy mom is the lady who doesn’t pay attention to shit. She aimlessly goes through life, whacked out, not paying attention to anything or anyone, and oblivious to the fact that she has a job to do. This lady lets her kids run wild like animals, doing whatever crazy shit they want to do, and somehow, she doesn’t seem to notice. The ditzy mom’s kid could literally climb to the top of the monkey bars, and power dive onto a toddler, and she would be none the wiser. This lady sucks.

There are different levels of the ditzy mom. Remember, I said that with any mom classification, there are many variables, and this lady is no different. Some ladies have a rough day, week, month, year, etc., and they just aren’t up to the task of parenting. I have a rough day at least once a week, and on those days, we just don’t leave the house. I am terrified of being labeled as one of these ditzy moms, and am not going to take the chance. That, and I am also afraid of falling into the ditzy mom camp, not paying attention to my kid because I’m drunk on sleep deprivation, and someone taking my little sleep snatcher. I know I complain about my kids, but I’m not down to have them taken from me.

The sad thing about the ditzy mom, other than her absolute clueless behavior, is the fact that before kids, she might have had her shit together. I totally, one hundred percent, believe that having children rewires your brain. It has to. This mom might have run a fortune five hundred company before kids, and had a schedule, and dates to remember, and important data and facts floating around in an organized fashion in her brain. Having kids changes that. Suddenly she has no sleep; she has no purpose other than keeping these kids alive, and her brain checks out. I get it. I still don’t like the ditzy mom.

Ditzy mom isn’t a bad mom, per se.

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